MikesterMike's Mind

Sometimes funny, sometimes thought-provoking, always full of B.S.

And now, the B's

21st-Aug-2008 01:15 pm

Boy, oh boy, it’s my take on the B countries!

Bahamas, The – Commonwealth of The Bahamas – Whoo hoo. Not in the Caribbean, but a nice place nonetheless. I have an aunt and uncle that spend a lot of time here. I hope to retire in this area someday.

Bahrain – Kingdom of Bahrain – I have read that Bahrain is relatively liberal. Relatively. Like, oh, Mussolini was relatively friendlier than Hitler. Bahrain is an Arab island in the Persian Gulf. They would just be a few Bedouins fighting over an oasis or two except they sit on some oil. So, here they are. Liberal, my ass. Paris is liberal. Bahrain is a repressive little Arab enclave. I should be impressed they have skyscrapers and allow women to wear Western dress? Freedom impresses me, freedom.

Bangladesh – People's Republic of Bangladesh – Holy shit, this is a poor country. Located on the Bay of Bengal , sandwiched in between India and Burma, this little Muslim country is broke. Only thing keeping this place afloat is the proliferation of microcredit. Oh, and they just ain’t stable politically, which is par for poor countries.

Barbados – Another sweet Caribbean paradise. A friend of mine has visited a few times and cannot sing enough praises of the place. Been smacked around by storms of late, which is odd due to its position being the most eastern of the Lesser Antilles. Rum, rum and more rum!

Belarus – Republic of Belarus – What the fuck is wrong with these people? They elect a dictator (and love it), abuse their own people, piss off every other European neighbor, and are working on joining BACK with Russia. Holy SHEEET. This country is full of FAIL. Avoid it like the plague. Evidently, they still wish they were Soviets.

Belgium – Kingdom of Belgium – Alright, a nice European country. A little heavy in the government owned and controlled aspect, but not bad. Would love to visit. Used to work with a Belgian and he was cool as the other side of the pillow. And these folks know how to eat! Belgian food is awesome. Founding member of the EU, but keeps to their own business.

Belize – A little Central American country just south of old Mexico. Poor, but what country down there isn’t. Tourist haven, so watch out for thieves and murderers. Coastal areas are supposed to be a paradise. Long ass reef and numerous cays invite lots of tourists. Have friend that will have home on Ambergris Cay soon. Go before popularity ruins it.

Benin – Republic of Benin – Hmm. Took me a while to find this place on the map. A country on the western part of Africa, it doesn’t produce or do much else. Used to be one of the biggest slave-producing areas (yuhp, those slaves). Still has slavery in some forms. Place has mainly subsistence agriculture to keep folks busy. In other words, it’s a shithole.

Bermuda (UK overseas territory) – Visited the island briefly in 1996. Wish I could have stayed, but time was extremely limited. I want ot go back and bask in Bermudan hospitality. Nothing bad to say at all about this place.

Bhutan – Kingdom of Bhutan – Pretty much an agrarian nation, this little Buddhist country will probably be absorbed into China by force. Outside of a large hydroelectric project, there just is not much to this place in the Himalayans.

Bolivia – Republic of Bolivia – Evo Morales is a little commie shit. Bolivia got tired of being the US’s bitch (for good reason) so they elected this asshole (bad move). Expect them to rewrite their laws to make him president for life, much like Chavez was trying to do in Venezuela. Saw a TV interview of Morales once. Scared the buhjeezus out of me, mainly because he’s less crazy than Chavez, more intelligent, and has backing of the native population without question. Expect civil unrest there in 3-5 years followed by a coup or two. Re-nationalized the oil, so add being a crook to Morales’s resume’. Epic shithole of a country.

Bosnia and Herzegovina – What religion and ethnicity will get you: nowhere! B&H used to be part of Yugoslavia, but when the iron curtain fell, so did any semblance of sanity. B&H consists of three groups: Bosniaks (Muslims), Serbs (Orthodox Christians) and Croats (Catholics!). I got to sit off the coast in 1994 trying to teach these folks to play nice. Croatia and Serbia tried to wipe out various ethnic groups during the wars. Needless to say, this place is “war-torn”, although it seems to be recovering well. Goes to show that people killing other people over religion is monumentally stupid. Oh, yeah, they still have tensions today.

Botswana – Republic of Botswana – You thought I was going to say shithole, right? Well, not really. This place has been relatively nonviolent, has had prudent and wise government economic policies, and has pulled itself from being one of the poorest countries to one of the better economic countries in Africa. Only major dings are that 1) there are no ports as it is landlocked 2) economy is mainly diamond fueled, but it is well regulated 3) 37.3% AIDS RATE! That’s right, one third of the adult population has AIDS. HOLY SHEEEIT. Memo to self: Do NOT fuck a Botswanan!

Brazil – Federative Republic of Brazil – Whoo hoo! Carnival! Actually, Brazil has a lot more to offer, and I don’t mean only rainforests and 2 girls 1 cup videos. Brazil shows what a Latin country can do with the right mindset. Not perfect by any measure, but close enough to make it a strong contender in the field of places I would want to visit. Has its problems, especially orphans and a real separation between middle and lower class. And they slightly fail due to the strong Roman Catholic affiliation. Not a bad place to be, though.

Brunei – Negara Brunei Darussalam – I really do not know what to make oif this little fortress of solitude on Malaysia. I just watched an Olympic woman from Brunei run an event, completely covered except for the face. Yeah, she came in last. WTF Islamo-facists? Every OTHER woman on the track is running in basically oversized panties and sport bra, yet your athlete is running in an oversized jogging suit and head scarf. Jeebus. Stupidty. So, FAIL there. No freedom of the press? FAIL. I don’t necessarily mind the sultanate, but I do mind that it’s run like its Ünderland. Wheres Catclops and Girl Hitler when you need em?

Bulgaria – Republic of Bulgaria – A former Soviet bitch, this slab of corruption is trying to do better. Unfortunately, I am not sure they’ll ever get there. Bulgaria used to be the butt of a ton of Soviet-era jokes, but now, its just sad. Country seems to keep to itself and not meddle with anyone, which is good. On the Black Sea bordered by Greece, Turkey, Macedonia, Romania and Serbia. Has had a significant brain drain in the 90s. Brits are buying up land there like crazy. May become the Colorado of the Balkans.

Burkina Faso – A poor West African country. Um, has the Mossi and gold. Whoopee. Has had multiple military coups since the 60s. Yes, it’s a shithole. A shithole of shitholes.

Burma – Union of Myanmar – Absolutely one of the worst nations on earth. The gods tried to destroy it with Typhoon Nargis, but that didn’t work. Someone please kill it with fire. Located in Southeast Asia next to Laos, this place is the epitome of fascism and military fucknuggetry.

Burundi – Republic of Burundi – And to close out the B’s, another landlocked little African country completely full of fail. High AIDS rate, rife with civil war. Not a lot of hope for this little shithole. *sigh* Perhaps the C’s will have a better selection of countries.

Stay tuned for more Mikestermike takes on Countries of the World. Whoo hoo.

Tags:bahamas, bahrain, bangladesh, barbados, belarus, belgium, belize, benin, bermuda, bhutan, bolivia, bosnia, bosnia and herzegovina, botswana, brazil, brunei, bulgaria, burkina faso, burma, burundi, herzegovina, myanmar
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Mood:devious
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